thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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