Will you blow on my dice?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
