i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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