farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
