If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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