i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
