"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
