This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize