You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
