i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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