I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
