I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
