whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
