I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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