it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
