A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
