I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
