I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and she was petting her beer can
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
