508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Come on in and take your pants off
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