I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
