I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
