i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
honey bunches of taint.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
