things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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