I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
