6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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