Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There are leaves in my underwear?
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