I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
