They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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