that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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