my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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