I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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