i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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