WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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