fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
