i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
