Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
