Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
