I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize