I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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