where am i from again
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
