So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize