I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
