Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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