I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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