Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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