All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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