i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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