There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you would pick up someone in the library
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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