dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
