I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
