i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
