i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
