I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
