its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
