seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize