I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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