i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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