I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
