Me. At least after what I've been through.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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