he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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