i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
