I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
