if you like me you must not know who I am
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
