Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
