I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize