He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
