toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
