my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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