Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize