Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
