Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
