Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am available for nakedness
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
