I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
