HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize