do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
