Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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