are you so shy because you have an std?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
