Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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