he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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