If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
