Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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