i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
