using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize