She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
