It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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