I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
