i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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