It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
