i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
