The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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