I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How external is "for external use only"?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
