Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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