I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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