I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
50% drunk capacity currently
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
