Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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