I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
