I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
