I'm so fucking centered right now
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
