I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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