My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My feet surprised me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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