Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
