As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
