All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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