The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
