im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
