Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize