drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
