but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
