If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
