My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
