I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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