I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
