We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
