maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
